...Dancing on Ice

Sunday: I watched Dancing on Ice. Pip Schofield was waaaay over excited. Even Holly Willoughby vocalised her concern at his excitement. Either he’s a good actor (not sure about that, I saw him in Joseph), or he just LOVES the programme and being a part of it. Good on him.

I’ve been watching Pip Schofield on TV since Going Live, back when he either didn’t have grey hair yet, or was pretending he didn’t – I don’t know which, I haven’t asked him. You know who else probably watched him on Going Live? Holly Willoughby. They are NOT the same age, and yet the dynamic works. Here’s why: she dresses like an old laydeeeee, thus tricking our brains into thinking she’s as old as Pip (not that he’s old, but he is older than her, by quite some margin). What is it with women on telly dressing like they’re several decades older than they are? Another case in point: Natasha Kaplinsky. Her hair is inexplicable. Even women in their sixties are now evolved enough to no longer wear their hair like that (I know cos my mum is one and her hair is actually nice, yet age appropriate).  Natasha Kaplinksy doesn’t only look like a woman in her sixties, she looks like a woman in her sixties in the nineties. Epic fail.

Anyway, what’s amusing about Dancing on Ice is not people nearly falling over on ice… well actually that is very funny, that and the fact that Pip Schofield is clearly the bant master general, as evidenced by the following exchange with Emma ‘I have no credentials to judge ice skating’ Bunton,

Bunton: ‘I fell out of a lift once, and it is scary’ (What growing-a-baby spice meant was that she fell out of a lift during a dance)

Pip: ‘I remember when you fell out of that lift, it was at the Hyatt in Embankment’ – banter thy name is Pip, and thy hair is silver.

The other amusing thing is that the presenters are constantly joking about the hilarious costumes that the celebs wear whilst pratting about on the ice, and yet I would gladly wear Dave Vittey’s rainbow lycra monstrosity any day over Holly’s old lady dress (although you can, of course, still see her boobies – when can you not? You see those boobies and you know it’s her… unless it’s Katherine Jenkins) Pip’s suits are another unexplainable phenomenon. They are the exact same colour as his hair. Its remarkable. The silken silver look works on his head, but on his suits? Not so much.

Whilst I’m on the subject I must say that my favourite thing about Pip on this programme (and it really is hard to pick just one thing), is when he gets ready to announce the results, and as a means of ensuring the viewer that he’s not making them up, he taps his ear piece just before he announces the result, as if to say ‘this ear that I am tapping has an ear piece in it, and it is via this miracle of radio communication that I will be receiving the result, which I will then say aloud – so fear not humble viewer, there is no trickery afoot, and this result will be genuine’. The fact that he encapsulates that into one tap of his ear piece is, as far as I’m concerned, the reason why the man has been on television for a long time, and should continue to be, despite his inability to dress or get through a single link without cracking up/looking like he’s about to cream his pants with excitement. If anything those things only add to his charm. 

Viewer – I beseech you – if you’re flicking through the channels on Sunday night, and you happen upon Dancing on Ice, just pause a moment before continuing to roam through the digital wilderness. Dancing on Ice is wonderfully, woefully weird, and therefore, absolutely worth watching.