Wednesday 23 February 2011

...Episodes


This was a programme I vowed to watch from the start, because it was an interesting and of-the-moment proposition: a programme that was being produced jointly by the US and the UK, to be broadcast simultaneously to US and UK audiences. I had to watch it. It’s an of-the-moment proposition because the world, as ever, is getting smaller, and programmes are crossing the pond in both directions with increasing frequency. Granted, we Brits have always loved American sitcoms, but the Americans have taken longer to warm to the fact that us Brits have got a GSOH. I think it might have partly been down to the fact that sarcasm and irony passed them by until about 2003 when they finally cottoned on and started watching The Office, then loved it, bought the idea, Americanised it (to the extent of putting the word ‘American’ in the title just so everyone’s really clear – America – yeah!), used a team of writers, and made about 17 series of it, completely bastardising the idea on the way. HOWEVER, the point is that they get us now… sort of.

The premise of Episodes is actually funny precisely because of the example of UK to US bastardisation that occurred with The Office; in Episodes an American network buys the rights to a successful UK sitcom, and then makes it something completely different, so much is lost in translation: hilarity ensues. Or does it? Well… I like Episodes. I think it’s interesting, it has good pace, the acting is (largely) very good, although it is definitely carried by Grieg, Mangan and Le Blanc. However, Episodes is not a ‘sitcom’ in the traditional mould. The laughs do not come thick and fast. There’s no slapstick, there’s not a whole heap of irony either. In fact the majority of the comedy seems to come from stereotyping. The English characters are well spoken, polite, slightly bumbling and superior, the American characters are self obsessed, weight obsessed, shallow, and two faced. When the two collide there are some issues, and when I’m watching it I can’t help thinking about which lines were written to appeal to the American audience, and which bits they’ll laugh at. (I think it’s mainly the bits where the English characters are being patronized).

Anyway, long story short (too late)… here’s my take on it:

Matt Le Blanc. His hair is grey now. It looks good. He plays himself very well. He’s almost impossibly sexy in this. I never saw it with Joey, maybe cos he was such a muppet, but here there’s something reeeeally hot about him in a ‘stop being such a misogynistic bastard by the way I know you have a massive penis’ kind of way. I’m drawn to him. Speaking of his massive penis, him and Beverley got it on – I actually DID NOT see that coming, which annoys me, because I pride myself on seeing things coming.

Speaking of seeing things coming, let’s just hit on something else that I could not let slide. Stephen. Mangan’s. Wanking. Face. It disturbed me. He didn’t look aroused, or excited, nor did he look upset or troubled (as you'd expect), he just looked plain glazed – dead behind the eyes even, and he really didn’t particularly look like he was enjoying himself! It made me wonder… Is this what men look like when they wank? Was he method acting? I need an answer to this one, for real, and also, I hope I never see that.

And whilst we’re on the subject of sex, I have to say that the other major thing that unsettles me about this show is this: All. The. Sex. Never has the phrase ‘no sex please, we’re British’ been so apt. Don’t get me wrong, I like sex as much as the next person, but its surplus to requirements here, and I can’t help feeling the fact that the lead characters keep having sex is the most American thing about this show. It seems to be crow barred in if you ask me, not to mention the fact that whilst Grieg and Mangan are attractive in their own ways, watching them fornicate is not exactly the kitchen scene from Indecent Proposal, and I for one could live without it.

I could go on and on, but I won’t. Overall I liked this programme, I felt the humour was subtle, and understated, (more than I could say for some of the performances) and I definitely wanted to know what happened in the end, which is more than I could say for some sitcoms (My Family anyone? Are they still going?). What I didn't like was Grieg's character being painted as a whiny shrew, which she was, and I didn't warm to her, which annoyed me because I like her and I know I do but I wanted to tell her to shut up a lot in this. Which is a shame...

ANYWAY, with Episodes the Anglo-American Special Relationship has finally come to our screens. It’s a bold and interesting move, and in spite of some teething problems I think it’s got legs... or teeth (mixing metaphors, what of it?). For the sake of television, and in the interest of… interest… I hope they get a second series. If anyone who makes My Family is reading. Please. Please please. Just can it. 

Tuesday 15 February 2011

…Unrealistic things happen on television

So I know this could be a can of worms - most good TV is about suspending disbelief, and programme makers create a series of unlikely scenarios in order to draw us in. I mean imagine if My Family was based on a real family?! Actually that’s a bad example… a real family would be funnier to watch (and is, in The Family) but then so would a televised rectal exam… which brings me to Embarrassing Bodies – not megalolz funny, but ‘OMG did they just show that on TV?’ amusing, and definitely more interesting than watching Robert Lindsay prat about in a dentist’s coat. ANYTHING IS!

Anyway,  I’m not talking about Reality TV here, obv – with that the clue is in the title – its REAL (is it? Jennifer Lopez seems nice on American Idol, but that’s GOT to be fake. She’s got snippy diva written all over her face - which is from the block).

Ridiculous and unconvincing stuff happens on TV every day, and it makes it good. I love it as much as the next person…

Case in point: in Eastenders Ronnie SWAPPED her dead baby with Kat’s alive baby and no one noticed or has figured it out yet. I thought for sure she was rumbled when the nurse came round and was like ‘Errr, this baby was born with a club foot love, and now its gone’ but instead of becoming suspicious she just shrugged it off. Ummm, this is not Biblical times nursey! Miracles as tangible as that don’t happen every day, and in Walford they happen NEVER. Dr. Legg would never have let that slide.

Then there’s always Neighbours… But where to start, and I covered a lot of the ridiculousness a couple of weeks ago, but for anyone that missed it here’s the headlines:
1. Elastic homes that house dozens of people at once
2. Toadie’s ridiculous weight loss – specifically the fact that no one has mentioned it
3. Everything about Paul Robinson.
I’d like to add a new one - everything about Lynn Scully. She is an utterly baffling entity. For a start she’s next level manic. How she can be so breathy and actually manage to speak and walk without passing out indicates to me that she has a substantial talent that she’s not exploiting. She really should take up the saxophone. I used to play it, and my tiny lung capacity was an early hurdle. She could toot out Baker Street like a pro let me tell you.

However, the soaps are easy fodder. They have to be ridiculous, they’re on daily or almost as much, and storylines about putting the bins out, not being able to find the cat, and whether or not to call the plumber about the water mark on the ceiling would not be particularly compelling viewing.

But, humble reader, this week my major foible has been caused by a programme that is close to my heart: Brothers and Sisters. As soon as I saw the first advert for Brothers and Sisters five years ago I KNEW I was going to love it, and I was right. I loved it -- the cast, the relationships, the snappy dialogue, the cliffhanger storylines -- It was all in there. Now this programme has caused outburts of ‘THAT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN’ as much as the next, and over five years there have been too many to list here. However, in the past two weeks something SO outrageous, so unbelievable and unconvincingly STOOPID has happened that I feel I have to mention it. Here I go: Kitty called a plumber, and the plumber. Is. Fit. That’s right folks, the plumber is good looking, hot, dreamy, whatever you wanna call it. Its next level. And of ALL the unbelievable things that have happened in this programme (we’re talking long lost sisters who aren’t actually sisters who marry their fake brother who never was their brother to name but one storyline) this is the most RIDONCULOUS of all – it would NEVER happen. Anyone who has ever called a plumber, handyman, or tradesman of any description will know that outside of porn films (again, not so concerned with the believable) these men do not show up on your doorstep looking hot, single and ready to mingle. They show up wearing jogging bottoms round their crack, and leave muddy footprints in the bath. With all the stupid and unbelievable stuff that happens on TV, this has annoyed me the most. The baby swap thing I can live with, because none of that would EVER happen, ever, but the thing that annoys me most about this is how close to reality it is - in real life a sink WOULD break (the water mark on the ceiling thing is a current episode in my thrilling life), and a plumber WOULD be called…… but from there reality and the storyline in question follow different trajectories. They've already snogged, and now they're taking things slowly (cos her ex-politico husband died after going into a coma for a year following a car crash involving every member of her family - NORMAL stuff). As ever what's the most annoying thing of all? I want it to happen. I gasped when they kissed. Reader - I rewound for crying out loud! The truth is I really like Kitty. I'm glad her plumber is hot and a feasible relationship prospect. Next week I hope she fucks his brains out. 

Monday 7 February 2011

Sky Atlantic


So…. Sky Atlantic, the most anticipated TV channel launch since Fiver (just me…?). A channel that promises to bring us telly addicts the very best in entertainment viewing from across the pond: The Sopranos FROM THE BEGINNING, Mad Men NOT FROM THE BEGINNING BUT FROM WHERE WE GOT UP TO ON BBC2, and then some new programmes that the American people are banging on about: Boardwalk Empire, Blue Bloods, something called Treme. I don’t know what that is or if it's even a word but in theory I am VERY excited.

I will make it my business to watch all the programmes on offer, but this week I’ve been busy and the three dimensional people have got in the way of me spending too much time with my favourite 2D peeps *shakes fist* (although I have found the time to catch up with Neighbours, natch, and for those who watch it: OMFG! Amezzing!) Anyway, ahem... Sky Atlantic, I've been very busy and I can’t review all of the potentially amazing programmes on offer because I haven’t watched them all. So... here’s what I have to say on the ones I do watch:

Mad Men: I’m sorry everyone, I am, but for me watching Mad Men is like eating a massive bowl of spag bol then trying to drive – it sends me to sleeeeeep! No more than 10 minutes after I whack on an episode am I out cold. It’s more effective than Nytol, and it doesn’t give me restless legs, which is a bonus actually…

Blue Bloods: Haven’t made it through a complete episode, but Tom Selleck? Quite old now, and I still would.

Boardwalk Empire: by all accounts people love it, they think it’s the best thing ever, its epic programming, its award-winning, its… boring…? Again, I’m sorry, but my enduring memory from the first episode was Steve Buscemi using the (I think under-used) expression ‘wet as a mermaid’s twat’, because I’m juvenile like that, and because he pronounced it ‘twot’ which made it funnier. The other good thing about it is that it has Henry-from-Dawson’s-Creek in it. Remember the one who went out with Jen and who’s mouth looked like a horse’s arse? His lips were pursed, pink, and ALWAYS wet. Well, in this programme he still looks about 17, and his lips are still always wet, which leads me to believe that the horse’s-arse-mouth condition is a facial quirk of the actor who plays him, and not that the script notes in Dawson’s Creek said ‘Henry is young, blonde, and has a mouth like a horse’s arse’. Glad we cleared that up. Apart from those two notable examples I did not find it memorable, and the fact that the first episode was an hour and a half was asking a lot!.That’s longer than the total viewing time of some entire British series for crying out loud! (Apart from My Family, which is either on episode 417 of series one, or has made 72 series… No one knows which, because no one cares, not even the people who make it. I think even Zoe Wannamaker is over it. I like to think that fucking weird thing she's done with her hair is a silent protest. There's no way someone would CHOOSE to wear their hair like that without an agenda)

Anyway, the bottom line is I just don’t think Boardwalk Empire is that engaging. For a start my housemate finds it so distinctly unmemorable that she has never referred to it as the same thing twice. So far we’ve had: Empire Boardwalk (easy mistake to make), Broadwalk Kingdom (again, not too far off), and my personal favourite Broadback Mountain (you can see where she got that from). To be honest, I like the sound of a programme called Broadback Mountain very much more. I would imagine that twats have no place at all in that programme, and that the mouth like a horse’s arse would come in very handy indeed... 

I know I've probably missed the point, and Boardwalk Empire is supposedly an EPIC. I mean the budget is clearly HUGE, which makes for an incredibly impressive set, fantastic art direction, and amazing costumes with stunning attention to detail. 
Blah. 
Blah. 
Blah. 
Who cares?? Think about this: Monica's apartment in Friends was clearly WAAAY out of her price range, it had a beam in the living room that disappeared after a couple of series, everyone spent all their time in a coffee house in spite having jobs to go to, and everyone always wore shoes inside the apartment the entire time! Attention to detail shmetail! I didn't care. Did you? No. We wanted Richard to want babies with Monica and when he didn't we wanted her to seek solace and ultimately find love in the arms of her best friend and neighbour Chandler. We wanted Ross and Rachel to get together, we didn't want them to split up or for him to get with Bonnie but we did want them to unrequitedly love each other in turn, have a one night stand, then a baby and then realise in the FINAL episode that they loved each other and wanted to be together f'rever! And we wanted Joey to sleep with loads of women and say stupid things. In order: they did, they did, and he did. (Phoebe was there too and I liked her for the record.)

I've digressed massively, my point is that TV doesn't have to be posh to be perfect. It just needs to be good. On that note I'm off to turn the dream that is Broadback Mountain into a televisual reality: someone get Henry-from-Dawson's-Creek on the phone.