Wednesday 23 March 2011

...Marco Pierre White's ridiculous bow to the cash cow

Yes people, MPW, him of wearing tea towel on head and not being as good as Ramsay on Kitchen Nightmares fame has recently been seen without tea towel on head in adverts on the telly. First it was for Knorr (he must have the k-now-how), where he sat round a table with a load of women and told them all how brilliant weird jellified stock cubes really can be. As a brand ambassador he didn't work for me. I guess people think he's a good cook, but I happen to ASSUME he's a misogynistic, hateful weirdo, mainly because of the way he behaves as a human being and therefore watching him chow down and talk gravy with lots of middle ages mums doesn't convince me of anything at all, other than the fact that he's a douche bag who has totally reneged on the image of himself he put out there in favour of making lots of money. Why are brands giving him work? Tony Tobin may be low profile but he's always got a smile on his face AND he likes chicken that cooks in a bag (Colman's ad). 


So back to MPW...Those Knorr adverts were bad and unconvincing, but now old tea towel head and gone and outdone himself, and is making adverts about turkeys. Not just any old turkeys, but Bernard Matthews turkeys. The most famous turkeys of them all (have written word turkeys too many time, has lost all meaning)


What's wonderful about this advert is ... EVERYTHING! This is not your regular man eats piece of turkey and says 'Mmm what a lovely piece of turkey' advert. Oh no. This is an advert in which the clearly broke MPW sits down at a table, eats turkey, and talks about turkey. Who does he talk about it with? Martin Kemp. Now, I know what you're thinking. Martin Kemp off of Spandau Ballet? Steve off Eastenders? Can't be him, because that's the most random thing ever to have happened. But, dear reader, it's true. MPW and Steve off Eastenders are sitting at a table eating turkey and talking about it. It's so ludicrous I could howl. 


My favourite thing about the advert (and it's hard to pick just one thing) is the campaign it's sitting alongside: 'Marco talks turkey'. Brilliant. Just brilliant. Who thought of this? I need to meet them. I need to understand the inner workings of their tiny mind.


My second favourite thing is the bit where MPW slags off Steve off Eastenders' wife by telling him when turkey is dry it's never the turkey, it's always the cook, to which Steve off Eastenders asks 'are you having a go at my wife?'. Tread carefully MPW, Steve off Eastenders is a double 'ard bastard. If you're not careful you may be faced with a confrontation and will have no alternative but to take a fake sponge ashtray to his head to get him to pipe down. That would be a disaster. 


What really comes through from this advert is MPW's genuine love of turkey (not). Did you know that Marco is a very big fan of turkey, and always has been? Did you know that Marco thinks turkey is incredibly tender, but with great texture, and that he didn't mean to slag off Steve off Eastenders' wife? Well if you watch this advert, you will learn those things about him. Here are a few other things you will learn:
Steve off Eastenders prefers eating in restaurants to cooking at home  
MPW is not a good actor
Steve off Eastenders is not a good actor (you probably already knew that) 
MPW sans tea towel on head still looks like an utter douche. 

No comments:

Post a Comment